Being raised by a malignant narcissist is a life of loneliness, isolation, confusion, and despair. You constantly question your own perceptions, and feel as if you live in a distorted reality, where the rules constantly change, and you’re always wrong. Growing up, I was always afraid, and constantly on edge, waiting for the next attack. I assumed everyone felt that way. I was always surprised when I observed the way other girls were treated by their moms. Why weren’t they afraid? Whatever the reason, it surely must be because something is wrong with me. It was my own fault – I was broken, and everyone could see it.
I’ve come a long way since then, but my journey is not over.
My hope is that this blog will enable us to share life experiences of what it means to be raised by a “MN.” If I can help you, then we can help each other heal.
It’s September and my favorite month. I always looked forward to school starting. It got me away from NM and I really enjoyed learning. But there was a price to pay for anything enjoyable – even school. I remember the annual outings to buy school clothes and how fraught they
I remember learning about “fight or flight” in school. Probably around 6th grade? Anyway, the school lesson felt very familiar. It was how I felt all the time. Always prepared for the sudden rage over nothing. But it was often violent, with me being verbally abused, sometimes physically abused, threatened
Memories are hard. I remember my birthday, probably my 10th. Of course, we had to spend the day with my NM’s BFF, who was just as cruel as my NM, and her kids. The day was awful. We had to go shopping for school clothes (my birthday is at the
The feelings I carry around with me as a result of my upbringing are filled with sadness and loss. I would really like a “do over.” My life was not supposed to be this way. I have no happy childhood memories. I only remember feeing fear, anxiety and sadness.
It has taken me so long to actually start this blog. Years. Why? I start and stop and then distract myself from thinking about it. I simply don’t want any part of the deep pain I walk around with. But, after years of therapy and a malignant narcissistic mother who
